120 or bust

162.6

2009-12-10T11:07:00.000-08:00

Not as good as I would have liked to lose this week but I did lose 1.6 lbs. I went to the gym 5 times this week so I really thought it would be more substantial than that but I'll still take it as a small step down. I actually like running now. I ran for thirty minutes without stopping which amounted to 2.5 miles. Felt great. Life has been hectic for me. Finals are next week and I am so behind. My house is still a mess but I'll work on it this weekend. I hope next week I'll atleast lose 2 lbs. I would be so happy.

starting weight: 180
Week 1: 173.8 -6.2
Week 2: 172.6 -1.2
Week 3: 171.8 -.8
Week 4: 171 -.8
Week 5: 169.6 -1.4
Week 6: 166.4 -3.2
Week 7: 166.6 +.2 Bummer
Week 8: 164.2 -2.4
Week 9: 162.6 -1.6
Total lost: -17.4

164.2

2009-12-05T12:23:00.000-08:00

Things have been good. i have just been busy with all the holidays and celebrations. I gained for the first time and it really didn't upset me much because i knew it would keep me motivated throughout the thanksgiving week. It did too. I lost 2.4 this week and feel like a million bucks. Clothes don't fit me and everyone is noticing my weight loss. The biggest change is in the guys that have been flirting with me. I never had that at 180 + pounds. I'm getting there. Mentally I know things have to change. I am so lazy, my house is a mess, my kid needs a bath more than once every three days. I need to find a balance and not just with my weight. I'm such a negative sad person. It's not ok anymore! I'm going to go through my house and throw everything away that isn't necessary. I'm going to bathe my poor daughter, and her and I ...we are going to go out and do more things together.
on a different note; I have been lifting weights at the gym and running afterwords. I love it and I hope I continue to love it. i'm aiming for just 3 days a week. Kelcy and I have a bike now and I am going to start riding her around the neighborhood. Great fun!

starting weight: 180
Week 1: 173.8 -6.2
Week 2: 172.6 -1.2
Week 3: 171.8 -.8
Week 4: 171 -.8
Week 5: 169.6 -1.4
Week 6: 166.4 -3.2
Week 7: 166.6 +.2 Bummer
Week 8: 164.2 -2.4
Total lost: -15.8

down to 166.4!

2009-11-20T07:58:00.000-08:00

I haven't been down to this weight in two years. I don't feel like I've lost weight yet but I keep trucking. I bought a new outfit yesterday that is a size 12 pants and actually fits me. The shirt was a small but i don't see how that size fit. Usually I would be in a larger size due to my bust. As soon as i put the outfit on people started noticing my weight loss. My daughter's daycare was the first to say "my goodness are you losing weight?" it's a very good feeling. My aunt noticed as well as her friend. My cousin told me I look awesome. I'm loving it! I knew I could do this I just had to try harder. My newest obsession is eating at Applebees because they have yummy weight watcher friendly meals. Also light popcorn with a tablespoon of chocolate chips thrown in....I didn't have any clue what I could actually eat! oh and on a side note....Yesterday I was officially accepted into California State University, Chico!

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Week three: 171.8 -.8
Week four: 171 -.8
Week five: 169.6 -1.4
Week six: 166.4 -3.2
Total lost: -13.6

I'm 169.6

2009-11-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

Time is flying and I am realizing that this is working. I don't have to deprive myself! So foreign to lose weight and do it when I don't feel like I'm ever hungry. I didn't know it was possible. I am now a size 14 but they are very lose so we will see. I can't wait for the moment i fit into a size 10. Nobody has noticed yet but I'm not focusing on that. This time is different. I'm not doing this to impress a man or to find a man. I'm doing this to look and feel better. Not to sound Cheesy but Weight Watchers is saving my life moment by moment step by step.

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Week three: 171.8 -.8
Week four: 171 -.8
Week five: 169.6 -1.4
Total lost: -10.4

172.6 good enough!

2009-10-22T10:59:00.000-07:00

so I lost 1.2 lbs for my second week. Surprisingly enough...I'm not disappointed by that number. A loss is a loss. I could be gaining 1.2 lbs but no....I lost 1.2 lbs. On to week three!

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2
Week two: 172.6 -1.2
Total lost: -7.4

weigh in #1

2009-10-15T11:08:00.000-07:00

i'm down 6.2 lbs. Now that feels nice to say! i may actually be able to do this program and stick with it. I don't feel like I've been dieting at all. So strange. I encourage anyone having trouble losing weight to give weight watchers a shot. I'm hoping for a two pound loss next week but i'll try and be happy with any loss i can get.

starting weight: 180
Week one: 173.8 -6.2

weight watchers on 10/08/2009

2009-10-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

So I finally decided I can't do it alone. on 10/08/2009 I officially joined weight watchers. I paid for two months so I better use it right? I am amazed at how easy it is for me to track everything. It's what I was dreading but so far so good. I replaced everything in my cupboards and fridge with fat free or light. Maybe the taste will become second nature, and maybe not! I put a cute little fruit bowl on the counter with oranges, apples, and bananas. Yesterday my sister ordered chinese food and ate right in front of me. I got out my apple, and my orange and ate them both so that I wouldn't have that hungry feeling while sitting there watching her eat. Man it looked good. But i was good. my weigh in with WW is this Thursday. They weighed me in at 180.2. I had heavy clothes on but still MAN :( I was sad.

Kelcy is finally done teething which marks the end of her babydom. She's two now. She is completely potty trained. She talks in sentences where did my baby go? She's been replaced by a two year old monster/heathen/barbarian/angel. She's still my life and probably always will be.

letter to myself

2009-10-04T18:41:00.001-07:00

Please don't do this. Don't self destruct. Please give yourself (me) a chance. Why do you eat when you're not hungry? What is your fucking deal? why do you eat out when you know you can eat at home? why do you eat past that full feeling? Don't you care about me at all? If you did you wouldn't do this! Please try harder. Don't let that boy make you feel insignificant and unworthy. You are important regardless of how he feels about you. Is it the number on the scale that sets you on this path? It always seems to be that number that makes you start eating crappy again. Please work on this and get back to me....thanks.

177.....yeay

2009-10-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

well it's slow progress but it's progress! I stopped dieting for a while, stopped taking xenadrine and realized something....I didn't feel like over eating. I don't know what has changed all I know is that i'm content not over eating. I'm back on the whole eating just good stuff gig and will see how I do but I am excited I went a whole week without being controlled by food. Now that is something!

I need to get to the bottom of it all

2009-09-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

I thought about it a lot last night while trying to sleep. Why am I so negative. Why do I punish myself with food? What really started it? I can't figure it out. I went into a foster home when I was 11 and was skinny up until that point. i don't think the trauma of being put into a foster home was what caused me to hate myself. I think it was just puberty and the things my foster parents would say to me that triggered my self hate. I remember wanting seconds at the dinner table and they would tease me about it (not in a friendly way) they'd say things like "you're starting to get a pudgy little tummy" its funny because I was still really skinny but I started to see myself as fat and unworthy. It's crazy to me that when I really think about it, it's not the fact that my life was so messed up at an early age that screwed my emotions up, but something a foster parent did to change my outlook. In fact amidst all the craziness in my childhood, I still loved myself up until that point. I didn't eat just to eat back then. It wasn't my greatest pleasure. I have a messed up view when it comes to food. It's sort of become my comfort (what makes me happy) maybe because I didn't have a person to comfort me back then I turned to food. I need to figure out how to change this. I'll never keep the weight off if I can't figure out why I put it on in the first place.

Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.
everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors.

18-2=size 16 yeah baby!

2009-09-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

I'm down to a size 16 in pants! When I started on 9/08 I was in a size 18. It's not huge but it's definitely encouraging. I can't wait for size 14 to come along. Yes I am guilty of jumping baby steps. I've gone to the gym twice this week and plan on going again today. I am doing so well. Atleast i'm finally using my gym membership again. No one has come right out and said it looks like I've lost weight yet. I can't wait to hear it for the first time. It always spurs you on further to hear it. I am realizing that eventually I will need to start working on my bad habits instead of just taking Xenadrine. I want to eventually stop taking them and work on changing really bad habits. Just going to the gym is breaking one habit. For the first time in a long time I am proud of myself.

Rome wasn't built in a day.
Success is a journey, not a destination. For now I'll focus on the process.
You get whatever you settle for.

2009-09-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today is going really well....not just in terms of weight loss. My daughter is two and believe it or not she's not acting two today. Today she is my little cuddle monkey. I get sad sometimes thinking about how little time we spend together ( I am in college from 9-4 every weekday) but I know that it's going to make for a better life in the future for her and me. Anyway good luck to everyone today.

why yes I am losing weight!

2009-09-15T06:59:00.000-07:00

it's so exciting to know it's really happening for me. I am really losing weight and mostly in my pudgy tummy. It's like winning the fat lottery. Now don't get me wrong, I know I have lost atleast 5 lbs but i will not weigh myself until i know for sure that I am out of the 170's. Why? Because that is the weight that when I see it on the scale...it freaks me out and I start sabotaging myself. I don't want to do that. instead I am just measuring my waist to make sure I'm losing. Sure enough I have gone from 40 inches (gasp) to 38 inches. now that is something. What am i doing to shed the lbs? I'm eating what I want but less of it. For snacks I'm eating fruit like apples peaches and grapes. Yesterday I went to the gym and burned 200 calories. I only ran for maybe 20 minutes. Eventually I want to work my way up to running off 250 calories then going to the nautilus equipment and doing a few reps to help maintain muscle. I have always been an over indulgent eater so i am taking xenadrine to help curb my appetite, and because i don't want to lose nutrients I am also taking a multi-vitamin called Woman's Ultra Mega. Both give me worlds of energy and I couldn't be happier. I am guessing I weigh around 178 but who knows.

No food could ever taste as good as being fit feels.
No one will love you until you can love yourself.
You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?"

186 lbs but I can do this and I will

2009-09-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

so I decided against weight watchers mainly because I can't afford to pay for the meetings. Instead I am just eating less, taking in more water and for snacking I am eating fruit. I officially started on 8/8/2009 so we will see. Somethings I have realized: i am in hiding, because i am bigger than I would like to be I have been hiding in my home, not doing anything that I would like to be doing. I have been avoiding the guy I am attracted to because i feel like there is no way he would be attracted to me. Why can't i just love myself? I am trying but it's not easy. I always try dieting, I give it like a week and expect to see big results like 10-15 lbs. I'm realizing I'm not being realistic so i am doing this different. I am only going to weigh myself once a week and I'm only going to with for a 2 lbs weight loss per week. I'll be ok with 1 lb. I have to be. 1 lb is better than no lbs or worse yet, a gain.

If you overindulge you start to bulge.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.
Weight loss starts in the mind not the mouth.

goal....be 178 by 10/6/09
goal2...be 170 by 11/03/09
goal3...be 162 by 12/1/09

If it doesn't happen this fast....who cares it will still eventually happen if I keep working at it.

2009-09-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

My goodness...take a few days or in my case, months off and watch the blimp grow. I am now gaining weight and completely sad about it. I have (in every way possible) done this to myself. Today i am going to again try weight watchers. I am really going to give this an effort. I am worth this. I am allotted 23 points for whatever I want to eat so here goes.

just a little update

2008-11-20T18:38:00.000-08:00

well even though I haven't posted in a month, I have still been staying on track. I am 25.5 lbs down from 199 lbs. i am very excited but I know that I am not done yet. I am on new birth control so that is good....it takes away my hunger for the most part. My daughter is doing well too. She is 18 months now and growing like a weed. If anyone likes that I am getting healthy it would be her. So much more I can do with my baby girl when i don't feel like a blob. I have been watching biggest loser every Tuesday and believe it or not; it gives me the motivation i need to continue this weight loss. i have 14 lbs to lose before I hit my first goal. how exciting is that? I know all things are possible if you just work towards your goals and don't give up. Here's a picture of me at 180 lbs....I have since lost 6 lbs but it will give you an idea of what i'm working with. (aka junk in the trunk.) I am the one on the left and my sister is on the right.

SW: 199
CW:174

GW1:160

GW2:120

6 months and weight watchers

2008-10-07T00:55:00.000-07:00

six months have come and gone and I've gained weight. Not too much about 8 lbs. So I have decided to join weight watchers. i went and bought all my food for the month and am going to do the flex points.....let me backtrack. In the last six months i have moved from Yreka California to Redding California, got a job at a chain pet store and had put my weight loss on the back burner. Well I dont want to let myself get that big again. So here I am weighing 184 and at the mercy of weight watchers. So far so good. I will give it two weeks and see how i feel.

Ps the gut is back but it's not here to stay.

SW: 199
CW:186
GW1:160
GW2:120

Weight 176 lbs left 56

2008-04-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

so life is life and I've been lazy. I haven't updated in a long while... It's taking me a longer time than I thought it would in order to lose this weight. I hardly lose more than two pounds a week and lately it seems like way less than that. But I'm optimistic because the scale is finally going down again. I need to get back into exercises...I have let it slip up a little bit. I am still the old me obviously! But I can still do this! I have doing something stupid lately. I have been looking online at the pro anorexia sites...not becasue I'm anorexic...duh that's a hell of a lot of weight difference between me and an anorexic! I've been going to these sites because I want to be thin and the pictures really trigger me to stay on track. Not the ones where all you see is bones...that's just kind of gruesome! I feel bad for even going to these sites. I haven't told anyone why I got out of the military...Not a single person, the crazy thing is that nobody even asks me why I got out early or how...maybe that's because no one in my life really cares. But here's the secret I have been hiding from everyone that knows me...I got kicked out of the military for having an Eating disorder. i didn't get out because I had a baby...she saved me from my eating disorder by the way. I didn't get out because they were letting people go early, and I didn't get out because of my hypoglycemia. Now the world knows it; well maybe not the world because no one I know reads this blog anyway. I do believe that i gained so much weight from being pregnant because I started eating more in order for my daughter to have a fighting chance. In the meantime my body started storing all those extra calories....oh great right? I'm not trying to be so unoptimistic but damn it I am down today! I also want to emphasis that I am not losing this weight in an unhealthy way. I eat right and reap the benefits. I don't starve myself and I don't vomit what I eat up. I am not practicing my ED in any way. I want to be 120 already!

SW: 199
CW:176
GW1:160
GW2:120

analytically speaking

2008-04-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

I have been running three days this week so far.....I guess you can call it running. Yesterday I tripped over the raised concrete and I do believe I looked like I was flying...flying, running same difference. I feel like I am losing my mojo just a little bit. Maybe I'll just start counting calories again. I havent done that in a while because I felt like it was making me feel like I had to record my whole life. I'd spend more time analysing my exercise and eating habits than just working out. I think I am guilty of overthinking and analyzing everything. I wonder when i'll get to 170...a decade from now? It was so easy to eat myself out of house and home and gain the weight. In fact that was a pretty consistant weight gain. It's so much harder taking it off. I wish it was like those commercials you see where a random person finds someone's stomache fat just sitting on the stairway, then the narrater says something like someone must have used the stairs. You don't see me finding my stomache flab just hanging out on the stairs........nope it stays put right on the tummy.

Weight 180 Pounds Left 60

2008-03-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

So it's been two weeks since I posted. I have been out of town and really haven't been proud of myself. I drank alcohol twice so I feel like I majorely fell off the bandwagon. I guess if I put it into perspective it's really not all that bad. I only had about two servings of alcohol the first time and one serving the second time. I still managed to lose weight this last two weeks. Four pounds is still an accomplishment. I am finally down to 180...I can't wait to hit the 70's....time goes by whether or not I am losing weight so I might as well spend it taking off the extra pounds...It's been two months and I've lost 19 lbs, that's a big accomplishment really. I know I mostly speak of weight issues on here...but I feel like sharing...I met a new guy and he's completely different than the usual undesirables I usually date. The thing is that he is in the Air Force so I will only get to see him when he is on leave. It figures you find something so incredible and you can't just enjoy it...you have to wait it out and see if it actually works for you.

SW: 199
CW:180
GW1:160
GW2:120

Weight 184 Pounds Left 64

2008-03-13T23:00:00.000-07:00

woohoo so I lost some weight this week. It wasn't a lot but it was enough to keep me on track and not get bummed out. Three pounds is good especially for this week. So I'm not giving up and we will see how much weight I can lose doing this healthy. My goal weight is 120 but it has been pointed out to me that that may be too small for my body height. I am very small boned so I don't think it will be but if it is I will not take it that far. This isn't about being super small. So if I am healthy at 130 I'll stay there and just maintain. If I am healthy at 140 I will grin and bear it. This is a real life changing experience for me. I'm loving it really. I'm so excited to hopefully soon be in the 170's. That's almost prepregnancy weight but not quite. I'm going to put up some pictures here pretty soon. Fifteen pounds lost....That's awesome!

SW: 199
CW:184
GW1:160
GW2:120

Weight 187 Pounds left 67

2008-03-06T23:16:00.000-08:00

So I have lost more weight! I am excited. I feel like life is good and I am going to be able to do this. I cheated tonight. I went out to a diner with my family and ordered meatloaf. That meatloaf was cold and salty so I took it back and got chicken strips instead. I only ate 3 but I still feel so guilty. I broke the diet on purpose though. I wanted to prove to myself that I can have a bad meal and not toss the whole diet. I feel guilty but know that for me this test was a necessary one...so I lost 5 lbs this week who hoo! That's awesome. I am hoping for another 5 but lets see if that happens. I refuse to be upset if it doesn't

SW:199
CW:187
GW1:160
GW2:120

doing well

2008-03-04T10:49:00.000-08:00

I was a little bummed last week because I didn't feel like I was losing weight. This week I feel like I was probably wrong. Things just fit better. I'll post my weight on Thursday and let everyone know. I'm eating 6 small meals a day in hopes that that is good enough to rev up the metabolism. A new class of mine has started so I'm trying to balance 17 units with this whole getting fit routine. So far it's not going so great. I need to devote more time to my studies. Oh well.

Weight 192 Pounds left 72

2008-02-28T20:18:00.000-08:00

Well I have only lost two pounds this week. Thats not what I was hoping for! I am just going to keep doing what I'm doing and hope it shows me more weight loss next week. This wasn't supposed to be a quick fix anyway. I'm thinking about adding running to my work out regimen. It would be so good for me! It's hard to find a babysitter though. Maybe Ill start running when she's napping since her grandpa is always home. Curves is now just another part of my routine. Every weekday I go and I workout for 45 minutes to an hour. It feels so good! I'm feeling more tone now. I am still eating healthy but I think I am going to follow Curve's advice and stick with 1200 calories a day. Even though it was only two pounds I am still proud of myself.

SW: 199
CW:192
GW1:160
GW2:120

I will do this

2008-02-25T13:32:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking, why did I do this to myself? What made me overeat so much? I thought back and I realized I was 11 when I got put in foster care. I never felt fat before then. Suddenly I hated myself and didn't care anymore. Thinking about it now I think maybe I blamed myself for everything...I know I blamed myself for everything. I need to get over this in order to like myself again. It wasn't my fault my mother left. I have to keep telling myself that. I remember being 11 and weighing 128 lbs and thinking I would just die if I gained another pound. But of course i kept eating. I think It was then that I developed a horrible self image and at the same time it was then that I sabbotaged myself. It's important to realize what makes me this way but it's so hard to face.

On a different note... I believe I am still losing weight but I won't know until thursday's weigh in with Curves. Even if I didn't lose weight this week I have decided not to change a thing because it's no longer just about the weight, it's about loving myself enough to eat right, exercise and enjoy the energy it brings me. Yesterday Curves was closed so I just bought a work out video and worked out at home. It was kind of embarrassing as my whole family watched me shake my booty to the beat :) Mother tells me she notices a big difference in me already. I haven't had anyone else notice though and that's ok...its a small weight loss right now so I'll just count my blessings and be happy with what I have. I have these "Skinny jeans" that I have and I can't wait to fit back into them. They are a size 7. That will be the day! One day at a time though. It's not just that I can do this, it's that I will do this.

Weight 194 Pounds left 74

2008-02-21T23:05:00.001-08:00

It has been a few days and let me tell you I feel great. I have only missed one day of exercise in the past 8 days. I can feel muscles being created. I have more energy, I'm happier with myself, I don't crave the fatty stuff as much anymore. Curves is awesome. The ladies really show me respect and are like friends really. I go in there I do my 45-60 minute workout and it feels like It's just social hour. Everyone is so sweet. I am now down 5 lbs already making my new weight 194 lbs. This is exciting. I have a wedding to go to in May (two of them actually) I want to look good all dressed up. I think I'm losing inches but I don't want to jinx myself. I am trying my hardest not to over constrict. Making your lifestyle change too restrictive just makes it easier to fail. I am trying to keep the calories up to 1200 and below 1500. I am experiencing boredom with my food choices so I'm going to be looking up some new recipes here soon. I am starting to love myself again. It's a great feeling.

Height: 5'5"
SW: 199
CW: 194
GW1: 160
GW2: 120

Weight 199 Pounds left 79

2008-02-14T23:01:00.000-08:00

Hi my name is Sara and I'm changing my life. I had my daughter Kelcy 9 months ago and have used it as an excuse to gain 39 lbs during that time. I was already 160 lbs. I want to use this site to show my progress over time as I lose the weight and gain myself back. I currently weigh 199 lbs. I am only 5'5" tall. Four days ago I joined Curve and decided to give it my all. I cut out all processed foods and only eat the healthy starches. I eat fat free sugar free pudding as a snack. I know now that I can do this! Every 11th I will post my weight loss. I am so excited to get my life back!

SW:199
CW:199
GW1:160
GW2:120